I’ve been on an offline hiatus – it’s been amazing. Yet here I am, online… writing this post… the irony. Maybe I should say, a Facebook/Instagram break.
Following on from some rather shitty abuse which I posted about, I decided to step back for a bit and reevaluate, refocus and take some time to remember why I am doing what I do. The message I posted was just a small taste of what I get. Currently I get about 1 per week, even more if something goes viral or international media sites like the daily mail pick it up. Don’t even get me started on stuff comments.
I’ve been told I shouldn’t have bred. That I am a terrible parent and that people feel sorry for my kids. I’ve been told to kill myself, that I am disgusting and a horrible person. That I post for validation or acceptance, like I really need approval from strangers but yeah. Thanks.
After a while, regardless of how strong you are, it starts to wear thing and if you’re like me and struggle with anxiety and/or depression, it does weigh on your mind after a while. You start to question the decisions you’ve made. Am I bad parent? How are Baxter & Lily going to feel about my blog in their older years? Is what I am doing wrong in some way?
After a lot of thought, I think they’ll be proud. Never once have I said anything bad about my children. I love them with all of my being and I would put them before myself any day.
Too many of us are consumed by the online world and the false personas people portray, which is why I’ve always been as real as possible.
I don’t do what I do in order to seek validation from strangers. I set out to tell my story, share my journey and always be honest – regardless of how bad things got. For people to say that I am an attention-seeker genuinely hurts. I don’t have to share what I share, but I choose too. I’ve been vulnerable, I’ve bared it all.
Since going offline, I’ve had a flurry of messages saying I have helped them in some way. My biggest problem is that when the going gets tough, I often forget about all the positive feedback I’ve had. I forget that I created a support group which has over 13,000 Mum’s in it, who have started an appreciation post in my absence (a friend screencapped and text it to me). Saying things like “come back, we need you”, “you/this group have got me through the dark days of being a new mum” and many more amazing more, positive words. I forget what I’ve achieved and don’t always realise the impact I’ve had on people, I get caught up by the negative comments and let them play on my mind.
I realise by putting out there it opens myself up more to this type of feedback. It is what it is and it says more about those people are their sad existence.
I now realise this, and I’m back bitches – and better than ever.