Gosh, that heading leaves a lot to the imagination doesn’t it.

I’ve written about my experience as being a stay at home mum back in November 2015, 3 months after Baxter was born. It wasn’t for me as horrible as that sounds. I wasn’t coping and I missed the adult interaction. I loved my child to bits but it really wasn’t healthy for me. Baxter ended up coming to work with my until he was 8 months old and then we made the decision that Reuben would stay home. It was an adjustment for all but Reuben really loved (and still loves) being a stay at Dad. It’s a conversation thats for sure and I feel like I am judged a lot because our situation may not be the norm but it works for us.

Being a stay at home Mum is tough, people often what you do and assume its an easy role. It’s not, I may have only done it for a short period of time but I know how tough it can be. How the days can feel so long and lonely.

Being a working Mum is really tough too I tell you. I think some people think (and joke) that I get to leave in the morning and just walk away from the drama and work almost acts as a hiding place. While some days, the break may be nice – I miss them all like crazy. I know what I am doing and I know the reasons behind why I am doing it. I know that by being at work I am able to provide a better future for my family but it doesn’t make the decision any easier. Last night Baxter ended up in our bed and Reuben went and slept in his bed, it’s not something that we make a habit of but he generally only does it when he is unwell. I woke up about 1am to him vomiting through our bed – goodie. He was sick again a few hours later.

Getting up in the morning was not only difficult because I was tired but it was tugging my heart strings because I knew I had to leave him when he was feeling his worst. I knew that all he wanted was me and that I couldn’t be there because I had meetings I really needed to be at. While I knew that he would have been fine with Reuben, it still ate away at me all morning. I kept messaging Reuben for updates and couldn’t wait to get home to him.

As a Mother you’re going to get judged no matter what you do. Whether you stay at home, go to work, put your kid in daycare or feed them with a bottle. Do you know what though? Every single decision you make it tough, cos being a parent is tough.

I find being a Mum who cares about her job and career is often skoffed at, like I value that more my children – bullshit. I just have a strong desire to do well and I am bloody good at what I do. Being out each and every day working my ass off actually makes me a better Mum. Now please don’t look into this and assume that if you’re a stay at home that you don’t care – that is not the case at all and I honestly, whole-heartedly take a bow to you because I couldn’t do it. Some don’t have the choice and that breaks my heart too.

Coming home each night at the end of a long stressful day only to have 1 hour with your kids before they need to go to bed is tough.

Today I really struggled, today I felt like I failed as a Mum. Seeing your kid/s is one of the most difficult things as all you want to do is help to fix them but 9/10 you can’t and it hurts.

Every Mum is walking a different path, struggling in different ways. Lets ease up on the assumptions and just be kind x

It’s so common these days that there’s a term for this negative phenomenon: mum-shaming, and I am fucking sick of it.

I am talking about mums shaming other mums. Don’t even get me started on the judgemental people who DON’T EVEN HAVE KIDS! I see it almost every day. Out in public and most commonly, online. We’ve all been guilty of it at one point or another, pre or post baby. We’ve judged another mum in the mall or the in the playground and it needs to stop.

We’re all in this together you know, this crazy roller coaster we call parenting. Nothing can make you question your abilities and decisions as a parent like a death stare in the local food court, a rude old lady coming up to you in the supermarket and telling you “that kid shouldn’t be out without a warm hat on” or “that child should be in bed”. Hey, Doris – go shove your opinions up your as$.

Get stared at for feeding your kid with a bottle (god forbid if that’s formula!)
Get stared at for getting your boob out in public.

Get judged for feeding your child packaged food.
Get judged for using non-organic ingredients.

Get judged for allowing your child to sleep with you.
Get judged for having them alone in another room.

Get judged for letting your child have a dummy.
Get judged for letting your child scream in need of comfort.

Get judged for buying your kid expensive toys.
Get judged for not stimulating your child enough.

Getting judged for choosing to front face your child after 2 years.
Get judged for still rear facing them.

Getting judged for going back to work ‘too early’.
Getting judged for choosing to be a stay at home mum.
Getting judged for enrolling your child into a daycare centre so you can provide a better future.

It many of the above cases, it’s a no-win situation.

I came across a great article which outlined why we might be doing this.

  1. You’re bored
  2. You’re angry
  3. You’re jealous
  4. You’re overwhelmed
  5. You’re exhausted
  6. You’re not sure of your own identity
  7. You’re dying to be recognised

Being a mum is fucking hard and having somebody question your decisions makes it even harder. Mum shaming is not always direct. It can be a criticism, unsolicited advice (generally with an ulterior motive), dubious facial expressions and general negativity (directly or indirectly) at another mum regarding her parenting choices or even worse, a personal dig.

I suffer from anxiety and depression and know too well how hard it is to hear that somebody thinks you’re not a good mother. Putting myself out there like this has led me to receive some truly awful comments and it really is disgusting that people think it’s OK.

If you have a few moments, watch this.

I think in order to fix a problem we need to recognise that there is one and collectively, do our bit to combat this nasty, rising habit.

MumShaming_NewMumClub

 

 

Do you know what? If only we supported each other as much as we judged each other, the world would be a far happier place. You don’t know what they’ve been through, you don’t even need to know, it’s not your place to pass judgement or make assumptions.

This topic is a highly controversial one because people choose to make it that way. Throwing opinions around about what is deemed to be best for you and your child based on their own personal beliefs.

It’s your child, your business, nobody else’s.

Certain aspects of parenting have been made so taboo that a lot of us feel a lot of unnecessary shame and guilt because of the way society pushes their own beliefs on us. Like breastfeeding. We all know its ‘best’, but it’s not always possible. A woman, like myself who are unable to or are no longer breastfeeding for whatever reason feel like we’ve failed ourselves and our child. I think it’s bullshit to make a woman feel this way. Like we haven’t already been through enough.

We can all do our bit to stop all this stupid mum shaming. We shouldn’t have to justify or feel guilt around our decisions. Smile at that mum sitting there bottle feeding her baby, you don’t know her story. That smile could change her day.

Change the way you think, what worked for you may not work for others.

Each mum is going through and has been through things you will never know or understand so show a bit of understanding and compassion to those around you, regardless of their decisions, your beliefs and what society deems appropriate.

I am sick of hearing about what means of feeding my child are best, it doesn’t matter – he is fed and that’s the most important part. I am sick of seeing Mum’s ripping other Mum’s online because they’ve decided to front face their child in the car after 2 years. I am sure they’re well aware of all of the recommendations but it is THEIR decision. I am sick of seeing parents slamming other Mum’s because they’re feeding their child a particular food while being out in public. I am sick of people passing judgement because they’ve chosen to co-sleep with their child and I am also sick to death of people saying “oh that child is far too old to still have a dummy”. Do you know what? Fuck off. Fuck right off and take your opinions with you. Worry about yourself and your child because by passing judgement, staring or making comments to your partner, you’re inadvertently making that person feel like absolute shit.

A lot of us are new to this whole mum thing and all of this judgement does not make a hard responsibility any easier. Cut each other a bit of slack. If a mum chooses to live the sponsored life brand repping for brands on Instagram, let her. But remember, she is a real person just like the rest of us. That mum who is bottle feeding their child, it’s actually breastmilk (it wouldn’t even matter if it was formula) because she is in agony from feeding but still wants to do what’s deemed ‘best’ for her child. That mother hiding in the parents room at the mall bottle feeding her child is sick of the looks she gets so is feeding her child in private and that is not OK.

Let’s all do our bit to support and empower fellow mamas. Think before you speak and have a bit of compassion.

You do you. Let them do them.

kaboompics.com_Cup of coffee warming in the hands of a girl.jpg