Jess asked me to write about how it felt to become a grandma for the first time.  I was honoured to be asked to write this for her (and you all).

From the moment we knew we were going to be grandparents, both Kevin (Dad) and I were excited and instantly got how our friends have felt over the years when they got the exciting news they too were going to be grandparents.

I went crazy buying stuff and Jess had to tell me to calm down. Baby was going to be here for along time and I should pace myself. To be honest it was little stuff as Jess and Reuben had everything under control, and Baxter was never going to able to wear it all!

The nine months waiting for Baxter seemed to take forever. When Jess called to tell me her waters had broken we were up the coast visiting my parents. We bade them a hasty goodbye to get closer to town, knowing it would take a while for things to happen. We weren’t needed of course but we wanted to be close.

Reuben was great at giving us a running commentary via text and invited us into the hospital once Baxter was born. Kevin didn’t need a second invite. We were in the car and hospital bound pretty quickly.  We were suddenly but not so suddenly grandparents. The older generation just like that! Older and wiser! Nope, not really, just Grandma and Grandad.

Baxter brought us all instant delight. He was a bubbly, giggly baby from the get go.  He can light up a room and make us feel young again. We see him often but never enough. I, like grannies before me, bore anyone who will listen on how fantastic our grandson is.  Yes, I am one of those grandmas.

Baxter learnt pretty quickly if he comes to Grandma and Grandad’s for tea there is always a bath afterwards. Now Baxter gives us the hurry up at the tea table and once let down from his chair he runs straight into the bathroom to get Grandad to run the bath.

I get the drying and dressing chores. This means I get to smother him in baby powder and give him his first freshly washed & dress hug. I love it.

I know there is going to be two soon and there will be some changes, but I have enjoyed the past 20 months of having him around.

Grandchild number two is almost here. Another week (hopefully no more for Jess’ sake) and we will have “grandchildren” and not just a grandchild. It sounds like so many.

I can’t wait to meet our newest member of the family. Princess Bemrose is just over a week from arriving and I know Baxter is going to be a cool older brother.

Over the past four years Kevin and I, along with other members of our family, have spent quite a bit of time assisting our parents who are either ill or ready for the next phase of their lives in care. I recently lost a stepfather who was in our lives for 40 plus years. Whilst I was at the hospital during his last couple of days, a visit from Baxter still managed to put a smile on our faces. Kids have the ability to make any challenging situation more bearable.

It is also good to see Jess and Reuben parent. I am proud of all my children. I am especially proud of the mother Jess has become. To see her go through motherhood is a privilege and I am very aware that not everyone gets to see their children having children, so I try not to take it for granted. Jess is doing a wonderful job and she doesn’t see what I see in her. Baxter has the ability when we are tired or stressed to make us look at things a little clearer and remind us at times not take things so seriously.

I couldn’t imagine life without Baxter in it. I feel very lucky to be his grandma. Love you Baxter.

I have spent a couple of hours with Baxter this morning whilst Mummy was at the midwife. Gosh these little humans can eat! Half a banana, a piece of a hot cross bun, a packet of raisins and some cheese. Balanced diet right?

Jess asked me to comment on her blog and what I thought about her oversharing at times.

I admit that I find it very difficult at times to read the blogs Jess writes. When she is open about her depression it makes me sad that she often doesn’t talk about it with us, and when she is at her toughest point she deals with it herself. I understand why but as her mum it is very hard. I respect Jess’s decisions and she always makes the right one for her and her family.

It is great to see her succeeding and her blog has been posted in so many different publications. It is good to know that Jess is helping others to open up and talk about their feelings as well, and to acknowledge that at times being a mum is hard. But it’s a full-time job and what job isn’t hard from time to time? The good times outweigh the bad and she has such a positive attitude. I always wanted to write, so it is good to see Jess getting on with it and owning it.

I struggle with some of the negative comments people write about Jess or her lifestyle. I am grown up enough to know you can’t be out there in the big wide web without being trolled, but some of the comments are vile and no one deserves to be treated like that. It’s these times I wish Jess wasn’t online but that feeling passes and she tells me not to read the comments. I read the positive comments that people are finding some of the blogs very helpful with pride. That makes it worthwhile.

Jess, you’re doing a great job.  Now about your swearing… LOL.

 

 

K so, I’ve been extremely shit with keeping up the pregnancy updates with this second pregnancy. I wasn’t that great with Baxter either even though that was what started this blog off.

34 weeks and 2 days today, 5 weeks 5 days remaining. H O L Y – S H I T.

This pregnancy has gone insanely and I think a lot of that is due to the fact that life is simply so damn busy that I haven’t have time to clockwatch. Between working full time, the blog and a very active 18m old – time is not something I have a lot of.

My last update was 27 weeks, and it doesn’t feel like long ago that I sat down to write that. I summed a lot up in that last post about what’s been going on in our life, my fears and our current situation.

As this pregnancy draws closer by the day I cringe at how slack I’ve been this time around, it’s not a case of not caring, as above – lifes just been busy.

Shrimpy’s room isn’t ready yet, nowhere near but I am not in a panic yet as she will be in our room to start off with anyway. I have however sorted out the bassinet, washed all the sheets and its made and ready for the little lady’s arrival. My mum is amazing and washed her clothes in preparation so I just need to put them into her drawers.

I am yet to pack my hospital bag, that’s my plan for this afternoon. While I do this, I will be updating my Hospital Bag Essentials post and will be doing a new one with what I packed/took second time around. I am generally a really organised person, who has everything ready WELL before its needed ‘just in case’. So I am genuinely surprised at how chill I have been this time around.

I have to say, I’ve had a pretty bloody good run when it comes to the pregnancy itself. I haven’t had any morning sickness whatsoever (didn’t with Baxter either). As of late I’ve had a fair bit of pain in my back & hips but nothing I can’t handle. My heartburn has come back in full force in the final trimester and I am so uncomfortable that sleep is a distant memory. Either way, I am super excited to meet this wee poppet and I know Baxter is going to be the cutest with his little sister. He is such a gentle wee soul. We settled on a name and Baxter rips my top up to reveal my belly and yells her name – I melt.

I will aim to do 1-2 more updates before she comes and will of course blog about the birth as I did with Baxter and Reuben and I are still deciding whether or not we share some stuff on Snapchat (jezzbee) while I am in labour.

Chat soon x

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Yes, we had so much fun with Baxter, we’re doing it all over again! Reuben and I are having another baby! Due in April 2017.

I’ve just announced it on the page and thank god because it was getting hard to hide. I am 13w3d today and am starting to show already, the joys of #2 I am told.

I am already getting the “oh, wow” “you guys don’t wait long” “again?!”.

Not that I need to justify my families actions and decisions. Yes, again. This is what we wanted, it works better for us and the children to have a close age gap. They’ll be 18 months apart. Yes, it was planned. Yes, I am aware things will be tough – thank you for extremely unhelpful advice.

I wrote the below post when I was 5 weeks and had just found out:

——

As I write this post I am hiding a big secret from everybody….

I AM PREGNANT! YES, PREGNANT!

I’ve taken 3 tests today as I am in complete disbelief. Reuben and I have spoken a lot about this and decided we would begin to try, little did I know we’d be successful on the first try! So here I am, 5 weeks pregnant and it most definitely hasn’t sunk in yet.

I knew I needed to tell Reuben straight away, cos well, he was in on this too! Let me set the scene for you…

Reuben is sitting on the toilet, one of his usual lengthy toilet breaks with his fav accessory – his phone. I decided to get Baxter in on this and found an old singlet and wrote “I’m gonna have a brother or sister, mums pregnant!” on the back of it and let him crawl into the bathroom as he does. I should have expected this but Reuben paid no attention… I said, “Baxxy, where’s Dad?” in hope of sparking some curiosity, finally, he caught a glimpse of Baxter and said “Why the fuck are you drawing on his clothes?!” I yelled “What does it say, dickhead?!” and finally…. he read it and turned around “SERIOUSLY?!” Haha, yes… I let him finish his business and we both got excited and then a little scared and the idea of 2. Not the most ideal way to announce your pregnancy to your partner but it’s totally us.

I’m sure all these new feelings are normal. Like, holy shit – what was I thinking? Have we made the right decision? Can I handle two?

I realize this post will go live after I’ve made the announcement so my feelings will no doubt change in the coming weeks but I felt it was necessary to document my immediate thoughts and feelings.

Here’s to many new adventures and experiences! Eeeeeekkkkkk.

14725475_1125741384128636_1178943804990865387_n

I came across this post the other day and it really resonated with me because I am THAT friend right now and I have been for a while now, while I was pregnant with Baxter and more so now that he is here.

For friends without children it’s harder to understand, they often take it personally or think that you’re choosing not to make any effort or that you simply don’t care. That is not the case at all. I wrote about it early on in my journey as a new mum and to be honest, things haven’t changed a lot for me these days and as Baxter has gotten older.

I’m tired, and when I am not tired I have a million and 1 things to do.

With so much going on in our lives we need to remember to be kind to ourselves, that those true friends will understand and offer a helping hand instead of being annoyed at our absence.

A good friend once told me ‘you find out who your true friends are when you have a baby’. There is SO much truth in this but when she told me at the time I thought, really? Fuck yes. I was THAT friend. I didn’t know how to act or be around friends who had just had babies because it’s something I hadn’t experienced personally.

My priorities have completely changed since having Baxter and I never saw it coming, there were people I considered good friends who have never even met my son and due to this I have pulled back and decided that I don’t need people like that in my life. Yes, people without children are busy too but so much changes once you have little people who depend on you entirely. Being a mum has really made me see things in a whole different perspective. You realise what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think and more about what you think of yourself. You realise how far you’ve come and you remember when you were such a mess you thought you’d never recover. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you have become and this new life that you created.

I don’t like going out at night because 1. I am tired and 2. That means I don’t get to say goodnight to Baxter, I then go to work in the morning and he is still asleep when I leave so I then don’t get to see him until the next evening. When I am not busy being a mum, more often than not the last thing I want to do is be social, and that’s all me, not you. I’ll be totally honest, I was a bit of a nana even before Baxter came along. I’ve never been a party girl and I would much rather sit at home watching shit TV and eating Tim Tams in my Jim Jams but that’s just me. I love seeing my friends and hanging out but find things are just different now.

I have the lowest tolerance for bullshit these days, from dramatic friends to opinionated people online (ironic as I can one of them). I have so much more to worry about these days, and have just found I simply can’t be bothered with trivial things that are of such low importance to me. Don’t get me wrong, I have so much patience when it comes to my son, I just seem to have lost it for everybody else and I think I put that down to the fact that my life is so devoted to him right now. I have been shit on my so many friends in the past, haven’t we all that I really just don’t have time for people in my life who are out for the benefit of themselves. There is simply no point.

I will not apologise for the way I am. I am me. I live an insanely busy life in order to provide a good future for me and my family. I can be a real shit friend but I can also be the most amazing friend, often there is no in-between but those who know me know that this is me and I would drop anything for them.

A year on and I am almost lost for words which is a rare occasion for me. This last week has been rather eventful for me and I don’t really even know where to start.

For those who don’t follow all my social channels, my son turned one, I got engaged and we threw Baxter his 1st birthday party. All in the period of a week. It’s been a whirlwind but my life is generally pretty hectic but this was next level.

Baxter turning one is huge, the last year has gone so insanely fast I struggle to put it all into words. It’s been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Becoming a parent has been the toughest yet most rewarding responsibility, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and on some days I’ve wanted to rip my hair out. I’ve questioned my parenting decisions and I’ve also questioned if I am capable of such a responsibility. I’ve lost friends and I’ve gained some bloody amazing new ones. I’ve grown apart from people because life is different for me now, I have different priorities and things that were previously important to me really aren’t all that important anymore. I’ve grown as a person and I’ve discovered an inner strength I never knew I had.

There were moments there in those early weeks where I really questioned whether I was cut out for being a Mum. I was struggling mentally and I genuinely didn’t think I could do it. Sleep deprivation really fucks with your head and had me in such a mess I wasn’t functioning properly. It is so important to have a good support network around you to help combat this. My next hurdle was realising I was suffering from Post Natal Depression and seeking the appropriate treatment, hands down the best thing I could have done for myself. I became a lot more patient and my mental wellbeing is in a much better place now.

It’s funny because people make the comment when being handed a newborn baby, ‘do they come with a manual?’ and now I understand. We really did have NO idea what we were doing and it is extremely overwhelming. As time went on, each day became easier, don’t get me wrong, they’ll change up their routine and completely throw you off within a day but you gradually become more confident. I used to be so scared of going out in public and now I really don’t care. I am confident in myself that I could appropriately deal with any situation that may come up. He is no longer calling the shots, I am! Haha.

One year seems like a long time but it really isn’t. To look back now I am well impressed and proud of what me and my little family have achieved. The development Baxter has made and the joy he has brought to our lives. As this chapter closes, another one opens and I am looking forward to what the next year has in store.

A year for Baxter means a year for this blog since it went live (was a private pregnancy journal for the previous 9 months). 15,000+ followers on and I can’t believe the opportunities that I have been presented with, the sense of community I have created and the amazing people I have met along the way. Each and every one of you plays a part in this and I cannot begin to thank you enough.Feeling very overwhelmed and emotional this past week. My life has changed so much and I am no longer the person I used to be, I am so much better and I am so damn grateful that I made decisions to put me and my happiness first in order to create a better life and future for myself. Never settle for anything less than you deserve.I am now the mother of a 1 year old and a fiancee to one pretty bloody amazing man and in a few short months I will be 30. Eeeeeek.

Bring on the next year!

14212159_10207312479711886_3228496339953748372_n