Some days it just sucks.
You know, some days I just think I can’t do it. Do I want to do it? Why does it have to be so hard? Being a parent can be fucking hard. There are no two things that make it this way, it just is.
Some days I want to lock myself in a padded room and scream or drink copious amount of red wine (oh wait, I do that now).
There are days when I wonder is it always going to be like this? Why is he screaming? He’s not hungry, he’s not tired, he was smiling 2 minutes ago – I don’t understand.
I worry too much, I think too much. I physically can’t switch my brain off most nights and have been struggling to sleep a full night the past 2 weeks. I jump into bed and think about how much washing there is to do or going over in my head what I need to do the following day. You know, it’s normally the ones who are the most ‘out there’ who suffer silently? They put up this front to make themselves feel better, so people don’t ask ‘are you okay?’. This probably isn’t the case for all but I know it rings true for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I live a wonderful life, I have an amazing partner, an awesome job, successful businesses, a beautiful home and one insanely cute son but some days are just hard.
If you’ve never suffered from depression you may not understand where I’m coming from, you may not understand that you can have one really shitty day within a month of amazing days and all these old shitty memories/feelings flood back.
I am not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself, nor do I want you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted to share that it’s not all gummy smiles and rainbows. If you’re having a shitty day, it’s okay, you’re not alone.
These little humans chose us because we CAN do it, it WILL get better and tomorrow is a new day.