Today was my first day back at work after 7 months and Master B’s first day at daycare.
I’ve written before about this before so I won’t go through it all again in too much detail, but in short, I’ve decided to return to work – full time. It’s the best decision for me and my family. Everybody is different and there is no right/wrong decision. After 7 months of being at home, it wasn’t an easy decision to make. I never pictured myself being a mum and there were days early on when I didn’t think I could do it, or questioned if I wanted to. Post natal depression didn’t help with that but in recent weeks I’ve really changed and I’ve even surprised myself. I don’t necessarily want to leave him to go to work but I need to, in order to be a better mum. Those of you who have been/are in a similar position will know exactly what I mean.
This is all new to me, I had no idea what to look for, what a ‘good’ daycare looks/functions like vs. a bad one.
For me, it was important to go with my gut, this is how I make most major decisions. I needed to have trust and confidence that these people were going to take good care of my baby. I’m a bit of a perfectionist so part of this task was for me personally to loosen the ropes a bit and come to terms with the fact they’re not always going to do things the way I would, and that’s okay. It’s easier said than done but I’m working on it.
I wanted to ensure it was a nice and tidy environment, safe and that the attention was focussed on the children with a suitable adult to kid ratio. I must admit, I went with the first place I visited, purely because it felt right and was a good fit for myself and my family. It’s a huge bonus that it is literally 2 minutes away from work.
His settling teacher is lovely and really puts me at ease, Baxter seems to like her also but I think he would like anybody who would give him cuddles.
Our initial plan was to get a nanny, we found it extremely difficult to connect with one that we liked and the agencies we dealt with were quite frankly – shit. We finally decided it would be good for him to socialise at daycare and would be a sure fire way to build up his immunity – haha.
I done so much preparation for this day, mentally and physically. I am extremely organised so everything is labelled and coordinated in his little backpack. I tried to play it cool but deep down I was an anxious mess. His settling teacher was amazing and gave him big cuddles, it reassured me that I had made the right decision and that he was going to be perfectly okay. I promised her I wouldn’t call every 5 minutes as I didn’t want to be ‘that mum’. I called once, to check on how he had settled that morning as he has his first cold and is a bit under the weather – she said he’d had a sleep, a bottle and was happily playing. Music to my ears and definitely made me feel better, even if they were lying haha (which I’m sure they wouldn’t). I clock watched all day as I was super excited to go and pick him up however the time away (from him and from work) has made me super motivated and I smashed heaps out at work today and done a lot of planning which is awesome. And best of all, my first day at work went surprisingly fast.
Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel, I kept myself so busy leading up to it I couldn’t dwell to much or work myself up. However I felt weird and different on that morning, knowing I was dropping him off. I know he is in safe hands but he isn’t physically with me and that’s the hardest part. I constantly felt like something was missing, probably because it was! Being away from him has definitely made me realise how much I adore that little creature and how lucky I am to be his mama. I regret all those days I got mad and said to myself I don’t want to do this, I can’t deal with it.
4pm arrived and I couldn’t get out the door at work fast enough, I was so excited about seeing him and squishing him. I got there just in time to witness him vomiting all over his teacher – lovely. He’s still a bit snuffly from his cold but overall he had a good day, nice sleeps and lots of cuddles and playtime. I think after a week of this it will start to feel a lot more normal and ‘OK’. He chatted and goo’d the whole way home in the car which was pretty cute and me being the anal mum I am I threw (not literally) him in the bath as soon as we got home, haha.
Overall, I know I’ve made the right decision I just think it’s going to take a while to adjust (both him and I).