It’s a digital high. We live in an extremely hyper-connected world and it is doing serious damage to people’s mental health. A lot of people don’t even realise how much they rely on the positive praise, the ‘likes’, the constant desire for new followers and insta fame is ruining people.

This blog is a bit ironic for me considering I can relate to SO much of the below but social media is my job (no, I am not an influencer – I manage Social Media for a large government organization) so I do think I am online a little more than usual. In my defence, it’s not all personal and I’ve made huge changes in the way I use my own social media.

If you can relate to any of the below then maybe, it’s time for a social media detox.

  1. You think in Facebook posts – I am 100% guilty of this. I do it all the time for work and I am generally pretty good at guessing what the theme of the commentary is going to be like. Something happens, you manage to capture it and you already know it’s going to be a banger on social. I mean hey, we’ve all been there – that’s exactly why I am writing this.
  2. You don’t have out with your friends offline – Sadly, guilty of this also. Because many of us over-share, we already know what our friends have been up too. While it is pretty damn cool, it can also be super damaging to real-life relationships. You know what I am talking about, that person your friends on Facebook with but didn’t actually say hi to in real life? Yeah, that.
  3. You’re stressed out – I mean c’mon, who isn’t? Social media ISN’T helping. Create positive habits to stop you from reaching for your device.
  4. You complain you don’t have time to do things – if you put down the phone down a bit more you’d be amazed at this newfound gap in your schedule. Do something useful with your time like smashing some fitness goals, meet up with your friends or actually be present in the moment with your family.
  5. You think you need social media to be happy – you were happy before social media existed, so you’d be fine without it.
  6. You think too much about what others think – I know that some of this is actually my anxiety, but it certainly isn’t helped by social media. We are quick to crowdsource ideas before thinking for ourselves. Social media can be instantly gratifying. Post that selfie and watch the likes roll in. Do you actually feel better though? Is it even real?

I was like tick, tick, tick to all of the above. Sad right? It is currently the way the world is.

Don’t get me wrong, social media isn’t all negative. It’s been my career for over 10 years so I do believe I am in a good position to comment on the negative effects. I have been there. I have been so consumed by likes that I failed to see what was going on around me. I needed the validation from people – it made me feel good. But only for a moment. I blog, I over-share but over the past 12 months, I have really limited the time I spend because I need to, for my mental health.

There is plenty of research out there that can associate social media with things like anxiety and depression, obviously, the results are only a correlation – meaning relationships exist between usage and health issues, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the social media and technology cause it.

I have deactivated my pages so many times over the last few years, something I have vowed not to do in 2020.  If I can’t just not open an app then I have an actual problem. It is an addition. The key here is limiting your usage.

In a world where we are doing it for the gram, food porn is an actual thing and adding dog ears to your selfie is totally normal now we need to make some healthy boundaries before it completely takes over our lives.

There are many good health benefits to picking up the phone less like:

  • Better sleep – I am SO bad for this. Mindlessly scrolling a newsfeed instead of trying to sleep. I have suffered from insomnia a large portion of my life and my phone is definitely not helping.
  • Healthier relationships – You will actually interact with people in person and have genuine feel-good moments. Do you lay next to your partner in bed or sit on the couch both on your phones? Yeah, there is something wrong with the fact we can’t just enjoy people’s company anymore.
  • You can’t have FOMO for something you have never seen.

Keep in mind, all of this stuff is just potential benefits. I am not saying social media is so bad for you and that you need to stop immediately – it pays my bills and I have no intentions to sacrifice my social profiles.

If you’re happy with your level of usage, then you do you boo. If you don’t then you may want to think about making some changes.

My mental health has not been good as of late. I am just going to come right out and say it right now. To be honest, I feel like I say this a lot but the last few weeks has been a real eye opener for me.

I have realised the importance of self-care and I am now on a journey to make changes in my life that will directly impact my mental health and I would love for you to come on the journey with me.

One of the biggest things I have noticed is how a lot of people relate their anxiety back to clutter, whether it be in their daily lifestyle or in their mind. If you’re a parent then I don’t need to remind you that more toys = more crap to pick up. I am not sure I could live a ‘minimalist’ lifestyle but I definitely need to stop buying shit and am so guilty of keeping things unintentionally like old make up, clothes, shoes etc. So, I am on a mission. To de-clutter my life and my mind. I’ve been doing a tonne of research and can’t wait to start sharing it all.

I have poor routine and poor sleep, all of which directly affects my mental health. I use things like social media which link back to depression – social media, media in general and online bullies. I plan to tie in regular periods of ‘offline’ time to be more present with my family and friends while also striking a balance because my full-time job revolves around social media and of course, its where this amazing community of people are.

I am not putting a time frame on this but I am getting cracking start away. I am already putting small things in place and am noticing a change so it gives me hope that I can do this.

How can minimalism help a mama out? From reading many different articles, it seems many mothers are turning to minimalism to reduce their stress and anxiety.

Minimalism is the processing of simplifying yourself so that you can stop spending your time, energy and emotions on non-essential parts of your life.

Sounds easy right? It’s not. It’s a process, but one I believe will work.

Comment below if you’re keen to come along for the ride to reinventing yourself.

I realized something tonight. Something that made me a little sad to admit.

I don’t really have many friends.

I was always the outsider, going against the grain. Bailing on events and occasions because I had been consumed by anxiety.

I lived on my own for over 5 years after an incredibly messy breakup – something I seem to blame a lot for.

I couldn’t disappoint anybody, and everything was on me. I only had myself to worry about.

I’m 32 years old and can safely say I have less than 5 people I could call on and they’d be there. While I know numbers don’t matter, I can’t help but feel sad. We live in this online world where everything is on show.

People have come and gone over the years, was this because of me? Did our lives just grow in different directions? Did they get what they needed from our friendship?

I get sad when I scroll my feed and see all the big groups of friends who have been together through it all. They got pregnant together, they plan their weddings together, their children grow up together – they even travel together. The constant feed that is social media is playing with my mind, telling me there is something wrong with me because I don’t have this.

I never went to a school formal, I got early exemption from the ministry of education to leave school when I was 15 and I’ve worked full-time ever since.

It probably makes me sound like a huge loser, and maybe I am? On reflection, it could seem petty – like is this all I am worried about? Do I not think my current friends are good enough? Not the case at all. I love the insanely small circle I have but can’t help but wonder if maybe I’ve pushed others away? There are people I once considered really good friends who have never even met my children yet continue to engage online like we’re still the best of friends.

Have I been so focused on my career that I’ve never bothered to really value a friendship in order for it to last? Am I a bad friend?

Has working in the online space for so long made me not able to function properly in real-world situations which has then hindered my ability to form normal relationships?

Has motherhood made me more lonely than ever before?

Please tell me I am not the only one that constantly feels like a loner.

As a mother and a human I have never felt so alone. I’m struggling with motherhood, I’m struggling with life in general.

I feel like I am fighting demons I can’t even begin to try and explain to people.

I am not posting this for attention, I’m posting this because it might explain why I don’t post or share much these days. What I do share is a tiny snippet of my life and people think I have it all sorted – I tell you now, I don’t.

My mental health currently has a firm grip on me and is ruling every aspect of my life.

I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to see anybody, I just want to yell or cry. I’ve done a lot of that. I’ve said things to my kids that I hate myself for.

How can people who are so small evoke so many emotions?

Today I realized that I am in this alone, regardless of the people who say they’ll be there – this is something that I think I am going to struggle with for the rest of my life. This is on me to try and overcome and I think maybe it’s time I try a different approach because the current approach is not working.

Today has been one of the worst days in a long time, I am in such a negative mindset and I am really down.

To the people who say I’m on here giving parenting advice yet in reality, I’m a terrible mother – thank you for making this dark depression even worse, for making me want to shut down everything I’ve worked for and disappoint the people I’ve helped better themselves.. I have only ever been real and honest about this journey and how I am feeling.

I know people say, you can talk to me but how on earth do you tell somebody about the horrible thoughts that go through your head? That sometimes you want to run away and never look back because others don’t deserve the sea-saw of emotions. That sometimes you’re just like honestly what’s the point? My existence isn’t even a happy one.

I love my kids, I truly do and I often think I don’t deserve them and that they deserve somebody better as a mother.

You may think somebody has it all sorted and has a really good life, but remember that small snippet is far from what the daily grind is like. I see others post photos of their happy families, of them winning this whole parenting thing and here’s me – wondering how I fucked it up so badly. I get jealous, I really do.

When I’m not yelling or ripping my hair out of sheer frustration, I just cry. Then some days the cloud is gone and things feel better – until it returns.

Why am I posting? I don’t know. I honestly feel like I can’t even tell anybody how I am feeling these days. I get criticized for posting stuff but this was my safe haven.

I struggle with depression and anxiety but I have also become a very angry person. I spend so much time trying to fix everybody else that I am falling apart from the inside out.

The mind is a scary place.

As tears streamed down my face he looked at me and said “i love you mummy, you’re my best friend” and that was all I needed to hear in that moment.

Knowing that this beautiful little person you created is starting to learn the concept of love and affection, especially when it’s needed.

I’ve struggled more as a Mum in the last couple of weeks than I did when the kids were newborns. 

I don’t know why but it’s just sucked, everything has.

I’ve lost myself 100%. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I want out of life. I feel like all I am is a Mum who goes to a job all day and then comes home and cleans. The same boring routine day in day out and it sucks – I’m over it. I wanted more out of my life and now I feel selfish for even feeling this way. I make no time for myself and I’ve just lost sight of what makes me happy.

My anxiety is at its peak right now, I am so bleh and I’ve cried so much I’ve given myself headaches.

I am failing my children and right now I am not a good mum.

It’s a bad day, not a bad life – but right now I just want to curl up into a ball and wait for the dark clouds to pass over.